I had a friend who'd always maintained that she would never in 1,000,000 years send any child of hers to daycare. She'd always told me that she was planning on staying home, or at least hiring a nanny. That only bad / selfish mothers would send their children to daycare. That all daycares were horrible places that neglected and abused children.
After years of trying to promote a more moderate view, eventually I gave up I'd just sit there and say, "uh huh," when she went on these rants.
And lo, I was just taking a look at facebook, and I noted with GREAT irony a wall post featuring her daughter's "graduation certificate"
from the infant classroom at her local daycare. Ha.
No, I don't expect that she will ever say, "OMDG, you were right. Not all daycares are horrible places." Writing this blog post is my, "I told you so," since I would never say that to her face.
(Though I do wish she would apologize for telling me that I was selfish and would be a bad mother for saying daycare was ok sometimes. A girl can dream.)
But also, look at me and all the hand wringing I do about sending my kid to daycare. Haha.
Similarly, in med school I was briefly friends with a girl who told me with absolute decisiveness that she was planning on going into pediatrics and working part time because she wanted to have kids. That only a selfish woman would even consider working full time -- or pursuing a more time consuming specialty -- and having kids. That I was a bad person, and would be a horrible mother, for suggesting that there were multiple ways one could live ones life, and that usually the kids turned out ok either way.
And lo. Look who became a vascular surgeon.
(And with even more irony -- look at who's considering peds in part because of the acceptance in the field of flexible hours so that I can pursue research / having more kids if I want to.)
And then there was the other friend who told me that only horrible rich spoiled children went to private school. Even if they lived in Manhattan. And that she would never send a child of her's to private school because only elitist snobs would do such a thing. She also swore she would never carry a fancy purse.
And lo. Look who's living in Manhattan working for a consulting firm, carrying a fancy purse, and talking about sending her kids to private school.
And look at me, thinking of 'burbing out at some point so that we can send the kid(s) to public school.
Ah, irony.
All of your mates forgot about people who HAVE to work full-time in order to you know pay the mortgage. Or should they not have kids? Which will mean there will be very few babies where I live because real estate is so expensive that a lot of ppl need two incomes.
ReplyDeleteBut I agree with your first mate that many daycare centres leave ALOT to be desired. To my way of thinking- if you want something done propery- do it yourself. Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of doing so.
I could stay home if I wanted... but I don't want to. I like my job, and it would be a TOTAL WASTE of all the work I've put in if I were to quit. Not to mention a poor strategy for my family's long term financial future. Unfortunately, full time nannies are extremely expensive, so daycare it is.
DeleteThis made me snort in laughter. Oh how the high & mighty have fallen. That's why its better to live with minimal judgement and over-arching proclamations---you are much less likely to be called out as a hypocrite.
ReplyDeleteI didn't even include the guy who told me that I was spoiling my daughter because I was spending $1600/month on daycare. *HIS* mom spent 1/4 that. He hasn't reproduced yet, so he probably just doesn't know.
DeleteOh! And then there are the people who say that I'm spoiling my child by saving for her to go to college, that only snotty rich people do that. After all, THEY got full ride scholarships and Pell grants. I generally don't mention that as anesthesiologists they will be "rich" themselves and most likely their children will not qualify for financial aid....
Didn't his mom spend that little like...30+ years ago? That was quite a chunk of change back then too...
Delete:) you're doing it all right. And of course you save for Dylan's college! Even with my parents saving, we made too much for any grant, hahaha
Smile and nod, smile and nod:-)
ReplyDeletesmile and nod, smile and nod:-)
ReplyDeleteSounds like the lady who told me under no circumstances would her future child be exposed to video games or TV and now I see facebook pictures of her 8 month old totally zoned out in front of a TV, while the child's father plays video games in the background. I agree with Ana, best to not make sweeping statements...
ReplyDeleteI've had a bunch of (single childless) friends commented on how they will exclusively breastfeed for at least 1 year which always follows me telling them I was happy to stop at 9.5 months. I don't care what you feed your hypothetical nonexistent kids...
ReplyDeleteOne of these women is 3 months postpartum and talking about supplementing (which is perfectly FINE in itself but she laid it on me pretty thick when she found out I "didn't even go one year").