So I defended. It went great, or so I am told. I really like public speaking, so I didn't find the event to be all that stressful or traumatic. It was actually kind of fun. My parents came, my husband came, [au pair] drove Dylan in the car by herself for the first time. That was actually the scariest part for me.
Aside from giving the talk itself (fun!) and letting [au pair] drive Dylan (scary), it's all been kind of an enormous let down, actually.
- One of my committee members didn't come or call in (family emergency?). Another had to leave 1/2 way through.
- My mother seems like she has really gone downhill since the last time I saw her. Like... she is beginning to suffer from dementia. I tried to talk to my dad about having the house assessed for fall risks, and taking her to see a neurologist, and he told me he'd do it, but I know he won't. And I can't help, since they live so far away from me (and no, there are no residency programs near to where they live that I could match into), and it's not like I have time or they would accept my help anyway.
- I had to tell my husband that I expected him to take me and my parents out to lunch after the thing was over. And yes, we went. And it was ok I guess. It still sucked that I had to tell him I wanted this.
- He has been freaking out about work and staying up until 11:30 and getting up at 5 every day this week. I have no idea what is going on, and whether this will be an ongoing thing. Oh, you think I should talk to him about it? (snort) Thanks for the unhelpful advice.
- Everyone keeps asking me what I'm going into as a doctor. And I really have no idea. And I have to try and schedule my electives from May through August, like, this week. I'm sure anything I pick will be the wrong choice.
- Dylan's strep throat is better, but now she seems to have a virus and didn't sleep at daycare yesterday, and was up all night coughing. She had a meltdown when I dropped her off today, and I felt bad, but I was also kind of relieved to not have to take care of her today. Which made me feel guilty.
And now I have to start the process of formatting my dissertation and doing my revise and resubmit and moving on with my life. Oh, and getting about 1,000,000 forms signed and also reading some clinical stuff so I don't look like a total incompetent moron when I go back to clinics in 1.5 weeks. Gah.
Next week will be full of meetings and EMR training, etc., so.... not sure when all of this will get done.
I was reflecting the other day on how much I'd accomplished these past couple of years. And how *I* include in my accomplishments my daughter, but how she doesn't "count" by any standard that I actually get assessed on at school or work. And how much that sucks, and that I have to work basically twice as hard and I get nothing for it.