I feel like there might be a couple of things that could help us break this pattern.
- Plan for Saturday and create the grocery list / meal plan on Friday night.
- Come up with something fun to do with Dylan on Saturday morning so it's not all drudgery. Maybe one weekend I can take her, and he can take her the next weekend while the other person does the shopping.
- Make plans to get out of the house one way or another.
It would help me tremendously if he would get on board with this, but often on Friday nights I feel like I have to keep nagging him to plan with me. Any suggestions that might help with this too?
What do you guys do on Sundays? Do you have a day where you can do absolutely nothing but fun stuff? We don't do jack around here on Saturdays. For us, Sunday is generally chore day because by then we've had a full day to relax and block out the crap associated with the work/school week. By Sunday morning we are pretty juiced to get the chores out of the way early so we can spend most of the day on Sunday lying about as well lol.
ReplyDeleteI agree setting aside one day for fun is optimal if possible. Often I have to work though, unfortunately.
DeleteSundays work best if we plan something fun out of the house, preferably with other people. If we stay in the house we have a tendency to feel trapped. Actually, a problem we often have is that a lot of kid-friendly places are closed on Sundays, which can make getting out challenging. We do sometimes have people over, but some weekend nobody is available or (in the case of childless friends) they don't want to hang out with us and our kid.
Do you have kids? Dylan has more or less made "lying around" EVER a non-option for us.
DeleteYes, I'm "Kara" who posts comments here pretty often, but I'm gearing up my blog again and need a bit more anonymity lol now that I will be posting stuff that could potentially annoy the hell out of people I actually know. My name isn't all that common, especially once specific info about my family life is added in there. Anyway, I've got 3 kids, but none of them are babies. I hear you on the "no lying around" thing. Mine can actually help out with chores now, although grocery shopping is still above their rank level. However, homework is now x3 and laundry seems like it is x50. I have to give my husband props though, he does a lotl of the stereotypically female chores, without being asked, so I can't really complain.
ReplyDeleteagree with above that not much 'lying around' happens - not both parents at once, anyway.
ReplyDeletedoes d like going to the grocery store? annabel actually loves it - sitting in the seat in the cart and flirting with all of the customers. if she likes it, maybe one parent could get to laze in bed for a while (say, 7-9) while getting d up, giving her breakfast, taking the dog for a walk with her. then that parent could get some relaxation/alone time while the previously lazy parent takes d to the store.
as for the meal planning - for us that's something to be done at night or during a's nap when i can give it full attention. i actually like doing it and consider myself better at picking out efficient/healthy meals so no conflict there :) but maybe you two could alternate and 'surprise' the other with fun meals for the week.
feel free to discount any/all of this of course! just throwing stuff out there.
ps: a has an ear infection and was febrile to 103 yesterday and is out of day care and i was saying to josh "maybe we should get an au pair like omdg!!"
Dyls is.... ok at the grocery store. She used to like it more, but she is going through a phase where she doesn't like to sit for more than 15 min at a time. I've been wanting to try walking her+dog... it may present some challenges, but I'm thinking it could be worth it. I've been considering doing something like what ana does for meal planning. Will have to see how that goes.
DeleteYou should totally get an au pair when you move to Miami. Esp if you have a second kid. Then you could do pre-school + au pair and it could work out great. One suggestion I'd have would be to buy a house (if possible) that has a finished basement / other floor where the au pair can live so that she/you can have privacy.
Also -- I hope A feels better soon! Life is so much worse for everyone when the kiddos are sick.
Deletehmmm the fact that you mention the basement makes me think it might not work after all b/c real estate in miami beach (where we want to be due to proximity to family) is ridic pricy. i don't know if we'd have an extra room, and most homes in miami don't have basements for some reason (b/c built on swamp/marshlands? not sure!). but, something to think about!
DeleteWell, all you technically need is a separate room with a door, but it's nice for the family and the au pair if there can be some separation. It doesn't have to be a basement, that's just what we have.
DeleteSarah, there are pretty much no basements in Miami because if you dig a couple of feet down, you hit water. However, Miami has a lot of homes (especially in the Gables and in other higher-end areas) that have "in-law quarters". Because of the very high Hispanic population and their close extended families (most of the girls I grew up with had their grandparents living in their houses with them), many homes are outfitted with these types of separate-but-attached apartments. You might want to look specifically for those types of homes (depending on your budget). By the way, another possible area you may want to look at it is Miami Shores. It's an older area that has been revitalized and is close to Miami Beach--many of those homes have in-law quarters or separate apartments on the property. I lived in Miami for 30+ years, so let me know if I can give you any more info. You definitely won't find a basement near the beach though!!
Deleteoh and YES on kid friendly places being closed sundays. i find it really frustrating - like the world thinks only SAH-parents need fun outing to go on with their kids. bah.
ReplyDeleteIn our neighborhood, all the kid friendly activities are at 10:30 on sat am, and tues, weds, thurs. It's insane!! I've been thinking the Please Touch Museum might be a good alternative though someday. Did you ever go when you lived in Philly?
Deletei went when i was a little kid when we lived downtown :) we have pictures to prove it - i don't really remember!
DeleteThis may not be feasible with you and hubby's work schedules and how exhausted I'm sure you are at the end of a day...but have you ever tried having one of you go to get the shopping done late on a weeknight after the baby is in bed? It is tough to do, don't get me wrong, but the stores tend to be less busy and you feel so good if you can get it done and that takes a huge thing off your list for Saturday. That is one thing that worked for us when both hubby and I were working full time. I know what you mean about no lazing around, ever with a baby/toddler in the house though...just know, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You have no idea how happy we were when our kids learned how to get up in the morning and turn on the TV by themselves to let us "sleep in" (in quotes because that means 8:00am, but still)
ReplyDeleteWe used to have a very similar problem. We started booking a Saturday morning activity.. Hunter just finished his second round of swimming class, and we've also done a toddler music class (think KinderMusik, etc).. and we book it for the 9:30-ish slot on Saturday. This forces us to get our crap together and get out, first thing. We're much more motivated to move along with our day once the class is out of the way. Bonus: the kid likes it. :)
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ReplyDeleteMy husband and I did a lot of planning & communicating via email when our kids were little, in part b/c we were both so tired & stressed that we were a bit hair-triggered and the slower pace of email allowed for more friendliness, but also b/c I'm a night person & he's a morning person so neither one of us was very brain-workish during the available time that the other was predisposed to discuss things. Plus it has the added benefit of putting things in writing, "I'd like for us to fight less on Saturdays. My idea for dealing with this is... Please let me know what you think & if you have any suggestions." Then if he starts in with "You think I'm lazy!" or somesuch, you can refer back to your written communication to verify your motivation for this new tactic is to reduce fighting, not find fault with him.
ReplyDeleteWe do better at talking about this stuff now, but again, we're more than a decade into this whole kid-having, life-balancing effort and things are a bit more habituated for us now.
Sunday is that day for us---full of chores, but no clear plan on how to do them, and one person feeling lazy and the other having to nag so that things get done. ugh. Saturdays we do our grocery shopping, but that takes about an hour, and the rest of the time is "fun". I definitely suggest getting out the house first thing on Saturday. Also its better to do something all 3 of you, its much less stressful than solo-parenting an active toddler. We used to go get coffee and bagels and go to the park at like 7 AM sometimes with B if the weather was nice. Or we make the grocery store a fun family trip---we'll go to a nearby park or get something fun to eat at the store...make it into a fun outing for the kids. Going early in the AM means less crowds and more likely for things to be in stock (a major problem at TJs).
ReplyDeleteI think D would love the PTM, we also recently checked out Smith Memorial, which both boys loved. the indoor place is open now, but the outdoor playground is also awesome and will likely be open soon. The key is going to these places the minute they open; much less crowded!
As for meal-planning, you know how simple we keep it. We figure out our meal and do a quick grocery list Saturday morning. But we eat the same things so often that sometimes we shop sans list and do fine.
I like Larissa's idea about communicating via email...but maybe I DON"T want a written record of everything I've said to my husband...
I have 5 kids and literally the communication thing with my husband is crazy day to day ...I have a communication sheet that I give to him daily with where each kid is and what I need for him to do. I know it seems stupid that I have to do that but somehow he responds better to this written reminder. (which started when he missed picking someone up after multiple verbal reminders and me crying and being late to work).. It's eliminated a lot of our arguing and he doesn't feel like I'm nagging. My kids are older but planning a fun activity sounds great for all of you..and I like the idea of his taking Dylan while you rest or unwind.
ReplyDeleteEcho everyone else for planning something fun on Sat. We try (when possible) to have this deal where one of us sleeps in on Sat and the other on Sun (and sleeping in=sleep until 8am or even 8:30, whoo hoo!!) Maybe you could sleep in Sat, then get up with Dyls on Sunday before you work?
ReplyDeleteDon't know if this is an option for you but when the weather gets better, we do the farmer's market on Sunday mornings. PJ gets to walk around, hear music, eat unlimited quantities of fruit samples, and we get some shopping done. Then I do a much shorter Sun. night grocery run + meal planning.